I have loathed the smell of pukuhipi (sheep stomach/tripe)
Ever since I can remember
My parents would cook it
October to September
Obnoxious stench
Cloying and bad
Snuck into my nostrils
Made me want to gag
Mum was so sure
I would change my mind
If only I’d try it
And find it was divine
She bribed me so well
Did my dear Mummy
With a chocolate macaroon
Tempting tastebuds and tummy
But when that pukuhipi
Entered my mouth
My body objected
And tried to throw it out
The macaroon lay waiting
She said “Just swallow it, quick”
My eyes watered, I cried
It went down, I felt sick
I stuffed in the biscuit
To take away the taste
Chewed and I swallowed, hasty
What a waste!
I was so distressed
She gave another macaroon
She realised pukuhipi
Wasn’t for me that afternoon
When we moved from the farm
I discovered, in English it’s tripe
But no matter what language
Still a smell I dislike
I hoped and prayed
When we moved into town
There’d be no pukuhipi
Anywhere to be found
But then one day
I came home from school
My nostrils assaulted
Before I entered the room
I ran to the phone
And rang my best mate
Shoved clothes in my bag
Quickly ran out the gate
I didn’t come home
Just stayed with my friend
Hoped the pot would be emptied
Before weekend’s end
When I was seven
We went to live with my Nan
Cod liver oil, saltwater,
Sticky porridge, sweet jam
But the infernal stink
Of her rotten corn
Permeated the house
I wished, I’d never been born!
My Dad, he loved it
With sugar and cream
“Don’t knock it till you try it
Close your eyes, it’s a dream”
I was wary of Dad, he ate onions
But would tell me, its an apple
I’d bite it and squeal
While he hooted and cackled
Still, I closed my eyes
Determined to give it a try
The taste wasn’t too bad
But nosey wouldn’t swallow the lie
The odour of rotting
Is for things that are dead
Lifting lid of campoven
I sniff Nan’s rewana bread
Off to visit my cousins I went
Fresh air outside the house so sweet
My nose grovelled thanks
To my fast moving feet
But when I got home
I whiffed cabbage boiling
Another putrid smell
To get my stomach roiling
Give me watercess
Over cabbage any day
Even prickly puha
Then at home I might stay
Hitched a ride with a cousin
From the Bay to Jeru
Not long in the car
And thought I wanted to spew
Nasty fragrance wafting
From boot of the car
Pot of festering terotero
Made me squeamish and blah
Mountain oysters
Sounds so posh and so yum
But when on the turn
A nightmare for nosey and tum
People dived in that pot
Soon as we arrived
I tried to warn them
Sure, someone would die
You might think I’m fussy
But actually I’m not
I’ll give most things a go
If they don’t smell of rot
I’ve tried every cut of offal
Snake, emu, huhu grubs
Green ants, fried locusts
And who knows what in the pub
But me and pukuhipi
Will never be friends
Because my nose knows
Where tolerance ends!
By R. de Wolf ©2021
